When life loses its meaning...

I decided to post this so it can serve as an inspiration to those who'd find it. This is my story and one day, it will be my testimony. 

Have you ever gotten to the point where it just seems like your life is not worth living anymore? Where you stop looking forward because everything in your life seems pointless? Have you gotten to the point where nothing is just worth believing anymore and you just stopped appreciating what you have? Well, I’m pretty sure I have.

I used to be very happy. I used to be very excited every morning knowing that God prepared something great for me. I used to appreciate everything and be thankful for every little things. Like, I remember waking up one morning and receiving a news about a fourth book in a supposedly Trilogy that I really love and feeling giddy the whole day. Back then, when I pray, I feel like I could move mountains if I wanted too. I used to feel like I can do anything because God is with me. I used to feel alive, like really alive, because I knew my purpose. 

Now, I feel like a zombie. Lifeless and weak. I feel empty. I can’t even thank God for anything anymore aside from family and provision. I received a news today, a news that I should really really  be happy about, but I’m just okay. I’m happy, sure. But I’m not freaking out, and I’m telling you that I SHOULD be freaking out. They’re adapting The Selection into a movie! Seriously, what is wrong with me?! I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been stuck at home for the past month or because I haven’t taken church pretty seriously these past few weeks but I do know that I have lost my passion. I don’t have my fire anymore. I lost my vision, my focus on what truly matters. I feel stuck, not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually. I feel trapped. I feel impure. And I know enough that because I stopped believing, the Holy Spirit cannot continue its work on me. And as soon as the walls went down, I started being attacked. (Which I will talk about on my next entry.) 

I'm not faithful on my prayer life. I always find an excuse to not join our lifegroup. I miss my life! I miss my passion! I feel so empty and it’s frustrating! I can’t even enjoy writing anymore and I haven’t bought a new book since last February. That’s a major evidence that something is really wrong with me!  

Finally, I realized what’s wrong. I looked up today and realized that I’m not as close to God as I was before. I must have lost my way and started walking another path. I can feel myself slipping from His grasp. I can’t even confidently say that He held my heart in His hands anymore. I lost my hold on His promises. I am lost. 

People around me will never understand the struggle. Some of my friends are used to me being strong. That I’m close to God and my life is perfect. I remember my roommate once told me that she can never believe that I go through trials because my life seems to be perfect. They don’t understand that sometimes you have to be strong because people look up to you. That sometimes "all my deeds and my good name are just dirty rags that tear and strain to cover all my guilty stains that God already washed away" I used to live free but from a prison cell. My life isn’t perfect, my God is. And now that my sins finally caught up with me, they have hidden His face from me and that’s where everything goes wrong! 

Thankfully though, the God I believe in is the God that will never give up on me as promised in Philippians 1:6. I am confident that He is the God that won't let go. 

Sometimes you feel like you fail God, that you do not measure up. But still when you come to Him, He will never reject you. If God is not giving up on me, then who am I to give up on myself. I can still do this. I can still change this. I need to be right with Him again, I need a redirection. I need to be revived and be free from the chains that bind me. And that's exactly what I'm asking God. Living a Christian life is not hard, it's impossible. It is only by the Holy Spirit and the Grace of God that I am still standing. It's not much, but it's a  great start. This realization, I mean. When life loses its meaning, go and ask God for a redirection. Nothing is too big for Him. This is where I will begin. This is the turning point. And one day, I will stand before Goad and be able to say that In Christ I am Complete.

Lord, I know I let You down, but somehow I will make You proud. I'll turn this sinking ship around and make it back to You. 

So I'll stop living off of how I feel and start standing on Your truth revealed. Jesus is my strength, my shield znd He will never fail me. 

This is just another trial. Just another challenge that God allowed to come my way because He knows that I can go through it. And now I am making the decision to gear up and fight this battle with the Spirit. I am confident because I know who my God is. I can do this, in  Jesus name.

This is the song I quoted. It's so powerful. Listen to it and be empowered.

Empty Egg

I’m one of those people who grew up in Sunday School. Though there were times I escaped during sessions (Oppss.) , I have to say that I’m glad that once in my life I became a Sunday School Kid. I believe attending Sunday school helped me to grow into Christianity. 

I remember a story about a certain young boy, Philip, who went to Sunday School. The class had wonderful time exploring, learning and playing together but the young boy remained an outcast. You see, Philip was born with Down Syndrome. He was a happy kid but as he grew older, he became more and more aware that he is different. I wouldn't say that there is something wrong with him, because there is none, but he is different. 

One Easter Sunday, the Sunday School Teacher gave each of her students a plastic container shaped like a large egg. She asked them to explore the church grounds, find objects that symbolized new life and put them inside the “egg.”

The class went out to search. They had a wonderful time exploring the church grounds. Once the children were back, the teacher started opening each container. The class watched with great enthusiasm as the teacher revealed what’s inside the eggs. There were butterflies, leaves, branches, flowers and such. But when the teacher opened the last egg, she was shocked to find it empty. The children started complaining that someone had not done it right. 

Philip stood up, went to the teacher and admitted that the egg was his. The class then erupted in laughter. One of his classmates even went too far to say that Philip can never do anything right. But Philip remained standing and unshaken. “I did so do it. I did it. It’s empty-” 

What he said next caused everyone to fall into silence.

“The tomb is empty!”

Things changed for Philip that day. He became a full-pledged member of the class and he started gaining friends. By showing them an empty egg as a symbol of new life, he did not just remind them of the most important part of Christianity, the piece that completes the set, the Risen Christ, but he also managed to free himself from the tomb of being different and gained new life among his friends.

We all know that Christ died for our sins, but we must also remember the God rose Him from the dead so that we may have a new life in Him. 

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. Let us use this opportunity to grow deeper in Christ. Have a blessed day. May the Lord keep you and may His face shine upon you. 

                                                                                        

                                                                                         xoxo Eliana